:: Saturday 7 July 01

Sometimes life is like sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool. The water is so heavy it squeezes you into yourself, compacting your cells closer together. Your blood thickens and slows. Light is dim, sound is like a 78 played at 33, growling and echoey. Up on the surface people are splashing around, playing, or drowning perhaps, but down here you're alone, gripped in the cement-like weight of the water. It's not a depressed place; very peaceful, rather, but you can't stay there long, and eventually you make yourself move and shove off and thrash upwards and pop out on the surface, into the glaring light and screechy noise, and air. Air is good.

Um. Yes. Resurfacing. New design. Have been living in the visual world more than the word-world lately, playing with toys. Dreamweaver. Photoshop. Cameras. The new scanner. Yes, still in the grip of month-long consumerist frenzy, I went to Computer City--only to get some rewritable CDs, I told myself--and came out with a new scanner. Um. But it was cheap! Golly, scanners are cheap these days, plus this one was irresistably cute--so petite, about the size of a large padded manila envelope. It's like the scanner that might come with Computer-Geek Barbie, except it's not pink or anything. I still crave a digital camera, but will wait for the prices to come down further, and in the meanwhile I have two perfectly good cameras, the beloved ancient all-manual Nikon and a nifty little Olympus point-and-shoot, and those, plus scanner, plus Photoshop, should give me about as much fun as a person can handle.

So I unpacked the new toy and scanned in some crappy old photos of my deplorable cat, and created a gallery where Her Crankiness can be admired at length. I realize that I have now joined the multitudes of middle-aged ladies whose first response to the vast graphics and communications capabilities granted us by the internet is to post snapshots of their cats, for the edification of a world that could not care less. Wotthehell.

Both more interesting and aesthetically pleasing is a gift I was recently given by the marvelous Debchan, who's put up a collection of grabs from the Hard Core Logo DVD, and who, with incredible generosity, made a cover for my HCL story Moonlight Mile. This caused me to dance around the room for some time, whooping with delight. Thank you so much, Deb!

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"I'd learned on the highway and in the circus, in the army, and at boxing gyms that even if you have a cutman in your corner to stanch the blood, it doesn't obviate the need for stamina, self-reliance, and keeping oriented to what I think of as the earth's magnetic field. You can have allies, mentors, be married, but still you're going to be alone most of your life, and if you're going to run off the rails, you had better be good company for yourself."    
--Edward Hoagland