From: Erica  <necessary_angel@yahoo.com>

Date: Wed Dec 8, 1999 5:33pm

Subject: Re: First Quarter Exam -- 15 points

I am way late with this but I guess I am not the only one <g>. This was a tough call especially for Ray.

> 1) Why that episode is the epiphany? It can be a single moment, scene, the
> whole feel of the ep, etc., but you must explain why you think it's this
> episode? (5 points);

Fraser: A Likely Story. Because of the strength of his reaction to Ray's attraction to Luanne. I think his reactions and behaviour would bother him until he worked out just why he behaved the way he did.

Ray: Mountie on the Bounty. When Fraser follows Ray's instincts in the sub. I think that did a lot more than repair their partnership. Ray set Fraser a test and Fraser passed - no doubt that Ray would not accept the transfer after that.

> b) What is the response of the person having the revelation? This is where
> you have to be creative. What gets *done* about the revelation, and why? (5 points)

Fraser: I think he is a little stunned by the realisation that he is in love with Ray. I think he would acknowledge an attraction quite easily but not love. I think Fraser would be wary after what happened with Victoria. I also think it might take a confrontation with Ray for it to come out in the open because I don't think Fraser would be very inclined to believe that the feeling was mutual at that stage. Why a confrontation? - because I think Fraser lets his emotions slip a lot freer when he is angry and or upset... Also after Ray had got over his initial "I suck" stage after A Likely Story I think he might call Fraser to account on a few things. I do think the situation resolves itself by the time Odds comes around.

Ray: I think Ray would be scared of falling in love again. I don't think Ray would want to be in love again, not after the wreck of his marriage to Stella. I think it would take him a long time to even acknowledge to himself that's why he had stayed. I think he would need to know that Fraser felt the same way. I think Ray runs as hard as he can in the opposite direction and does everything he can to bury his feelings and to hide them from Fraser.

> iii) If you think the revelation/epiphany leads to sex shortly after it is
> experienced, please explain why. If you think sex does not ensue in a
> relatively short period after the revelation/explanation, please explain why.
> (5 points)

Fraser: I think it would take a few days for them to work through the events of A Likely Story (see answer to part ii).

Ray: I don't think sex ensues for quite some time after Ray's revelation - I think Ray starts to come to terms with what he is feeling around the time of Easy Money and then Luanne is his last ditch attempt. So Fraser's revelation could be the spur for them both.

"You wait for me
To break the ice
Then you ask me
Demanding my advice"
Nerve - Headstones

From: meghanblack  <meghanblack@xxxxxxxxx.xxx>

Date: Mon Dec 13, 1999 10:30am

Subject: I *KNOW* it's today!

Haven't seen anyone else's, which surprises me since I'm in the MST zone, but here's my exam, LaT.  Wow, I've never shared my test results with anyone.  It's sort of like wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes...

I'm going to choose the obvious, but I have very strong feelings about it.  I believe they both came to the same conclusion in Mountie on the Bounty, thought at different points in time.   The wanting was definitely there before then (of that I have no doubt) and I may even go so far as to say that they had sex before then (still mulling that over), but the moment of revelation when the actual *love* was realized didn't occur until that episode.  I'll take each one separately from here out.

In your answer, please include the following information as part of your defense/explanation: a) Why that episode is the epiphany? It can be a single moment, scene, the whole feel of the ep, etc., but you must explain why you think it's this episode? (5 points);

I will start with Ray because I think he had his epiphany first.  The instant that Ray struck Fraser at the lakeside, I see that realization written all over his face.  We hurt the ones we love.  I think Ray is well aware of the truthfulness of this and as soon as his hand comes into contact with Fraser's face, the blinds are lifted and Voila! he just KNOWS.  The pain and sorrow at what he has done, at the pain he has caused someone he cares so deeply about makes my heart ache every time I watch it. He would pull it back, he would chop off his hand; he'd do anything to undo the look of betrayal he sees on Fraser's face.  And it is at that moment that he decides that yes dammit, he loves Fraser, but no, he can never have Fraser, therefore, they must end their partnership.  

And if you believe that the Volpe Universe really happened <eg>, well, that makes it all the more a real eye-opener. **

Fraser is a bit thicker in the head.  It's there right in front of him, but he really has to be hit over the head with it or have it slapped into him, however you may view it. <g>   With Fraser, it is a slow unfolding; K a gradual realization that I don't think culminates until they are standing on the bow of the Bounty at the end.  Fraser is a stranger to love.  It has to hit him hard and he has to let it soak in before he can recognize it for what it is.  I believe part of the pissiness he exhibits when he's trying to get Ray untied and them out of there before they drown is a mask for the fear he is feeling that he will lose Ray.  He may not even realize it, but we all hide fear in individual ways.  The same in the submersible.  His inherent streak of stubbornness is the only way he knows how to deal with not only the close physical proximity of Ray, but by admitting that Ray's way is the right way, he may fear he is letting himself be swayed by his emotions.  Again this may not be conscious.  I think Fraser hides from his true self a lot more than Ray does.  Ray will recognize what he's facing and whether or not its pleasant, he'll deal with it.  I believe that as brave as Fraser is, he fears his own feelings the most of anything in the world.  Therefore, it takes him a while when the action is over and he and Ray are safe, before he will even contemplate the effect this ball of energy is having on him.  At the rail, Fraser is finally willing to concede that he was wrong, to the point of telling Ray flat out he is not going to take the transfer, even before he knows what Ray is going to do.  He's finally going out on the limb because he can't stand that much the thought of losing Ray.  He must now admit that he loves Ray.

b) What is the response of the person having the revelation? This is where you have to be creative. What gets *done* about the revelation, and why? (5 points)

If I wanted to take the easy way out, I'd say they decided to stay partners and pursue each other, but I'll try to be a bit more responsible than that.   

Ray:  Ray will fight it for probably quite awhile.  I don't see him as just making this major revelation about himself and then jumping Fraser's bones.  I see it being as more of a struggle as depicted somewhat in Crys‘¦ True North.  I don't think Ray is inherently gay or even bi.  This idea of loving his partner is going to take some getting used to.  But he won't back off from it either.  I think he'll explore, he'll ponder and he'll watch Fraser very closely, to see if any of the feelings are returned (duh!).  

Back to the Volpe Universe. In that world, I don't think Ray would have hesitated a second after they got off the Bounty to at least tell Fraser how he feels.  They need to reestablish the connection that got strained during Asylum and now that Ray knows how Fraser feels, I don't think it would be a big jump for him at all to admit his feelings and take the chance they are reciprocated, because he already has a pretty good idea they are. **

Fraser:  In typical Fraser-fashion, Ben will absorb his discovery and keep it very close to the vest until he's analyzed it and figured it out to his satisfaction.  Once he recognizes it as true love and that he really cannot imagine life without Ray, he will do little passive-aggressive Fraser things to test the waters with Ray.  Like spending more time with Ray and observing him closely.  Touching him and watching for reaction.  Even possibly arguing with him more.  

Basically, when the two of them finally get done playing footsie together, they'll come together in a combustible flame of lust! <g>  But it wouldn't be immediate on either part (except where noted in the Volpe Universe).

c) If you think the revelation/epiphany leads to sex shortly after it is experienced, please explain why.   If you think sex does not ensue in a relatively short period after the revelation/explanation, please explain why. (5 points)

As stated, I don't believe it would happen immediately.  And if you think this is a copout and don't want to give me my five points, fine! <g>  <sniff>  I can live without a snapshot <NOT!>.

Meg

** The Volpe Universe was created by Te and expounded upon by myself, LaT and Katherine.  Stories from our warped little minds can be found at: http://netdump.com/users/purity_brown/volpemain.htm

From: Kellie Matthews  <matthewk@Colorado.EDU>

Date: Mon Dec 13, 1999 12:04pm

Subject: Re: First Quarter Exam -- 15 points

> From: LaToot@a... Which episode is the *most likely* to result in one > or both of the Boys coming to the realization that he is *in love* with his partner. Not simply attracted to the other man, not simply wanting, desperately, to fuck the other man silly, but actually in love with the other man. In short, which episode is the most likely to cause the revelation "this man is my soul mate"? In your answer, please include the following information as part of your defense/explanation: > 1) Why that episode is the epiphany? It can be a single moment, scene, whole feel of the ep, etc., but you must explain why you think it's this episode. (5 points);

I think in a way, it's more than one for each of them. I think that "Mountie on the Bounty"is pivotal for both of them in leading up to the realization, but perhaps is not, in and of itself, the defining moment. I think that there was a slow progression toward the epiphany. So, here goes, and remember I may change my mind at any time without notice. Today and today only, my answer is "Easy Money."

It started with "Eclipse," strengthened in "Asylum", deepened when in MotB, and finally hit them upside the head with a wet squirrel of realization in "Easy Money" when Fraser's life is threatened and Ray risks his to save him. I think at that moment, Ray realized he did not want to live without Fraser, that he would knowingly risk his life to save him. (No, I don't think his taking a bullet for F. in "Burning Down the House" counts, because Ray was wearing a vest and feeling invincible, even though Greta *could* have chosen to shoot him in the head not the chest.) He knew that by going through that window he might die, and that didn't matter to him because 1) if Fraser was already dead he didn't want to live and 2) if he wasn't dead he might be able to save him, and again if he died in the process it didn't matter because F. is more important to him than his own life. Fraser, simultaneously, would see that Ray was willing to do this for him, and it would break through his barriers in a way that nothing else could.

I think they had been dear to each other from the first moment they met, and all along each allowed himself to know that he 'loved' the other in the sense of agape or philios, but neither allowed himself the *realization* that he had been *in love* (eros as well as agape/philios) with the other from that instant, as well.

> b) What is the response of the person having the revelation? This is where you have to be creative. What gets *done* about the revelation, and why? (5 points)

For Ray, I think his response was probably first fear, then confusion, and finally a kind of internal bravado-- a 'Well, that's how I feel and you can like it or lump it' sort of feeling. But I don't know that he would ever actually *reveal* his feelings to Fraser until he had a clue that those feelings might be returned. His experiences with Stella would, I think, tend to lead him to hide his vulnerable heart until he had some assurance that it wouldn't be broken again. So, I don't think he would have *done* much of anything, except maybe try to spend more time with F, and try to sound him out a little about potential, without being too obvious.

Fraser, I think, would be just as reticent to reveal his love, and this is where the difficulty lies, because with *both* of them concealing their feelings it means neither of them is getting the right 'sounding' on their
internal sonar to know that the other would welcome a declaration. So then it takes some sort of shock to break through that last barrier, which leads to the next question:

> iii) If you think the revelation/epiphany leads to sex shortly after it is experienced, please explain why. If you think sex does not ensue in a relatively short period after the revelation/explanation, please explain why. (5 points)

Sex, I suspect, would result only after some externally imposed stress brings them both to the emotional breaking point. And that stress, in my mind, would be the events of "Good for the Soul." And I do believe, strongly, that after that party they went back to Ray's apartment, made their first declarations, and then boinked like bunnies. :-)

Kellie Matthews // matthewk@ucsu.colorado.edu
http://spot.colorado.edu/~matthewk/Home.html
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes you find that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside
you, is quite different when it gets out into the open and has
other people looking at it. --Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Milne)

Subject: 1Q Exam - Fraser

| First Quarter Exam (15 points): |
| Which episode is the *most likely* to result in one or both of the Boys coming to the realization that he is *in love* with his partner. Not simply attracted to the other man, not simply wanting, desperately, to fuck the other man silly, but actually in love with the other man. In short, which episode is the most likely to cause the revelation "this man is my soul mate"?

There are really so many episodes to argue with Fraser. I mean, you could make a compelling case for the "Likewise" statement in the burning car in BDtH, for pete's sake. At least I could: the hug; the concern over the electrical socket; the fact that Ray listens to and acts upon F's words at the Evanston Institute for the Criminally Insane; and Ray's incredible handling of Motherwell - "Five . . . four . . . three . . ." (I think LaT? or whoever said that is right - F looks like he's been knocked endways and it's the first time he's ever wanted to just fuck someone silly.) And so all that leads up to the "Likewise" statement and look in the car. Instant soul mates. Yeah, Ray, you did have that karmic chi love thing going. You did. But I digress. I often do.

| 1) Why that episode is the epiphany? It can be a single moment, scene, the whole feel of the ep, etc., but you must explain why you think it's this episode? (5 points);

I'm going to go with the obvious here, simply because I think it was deliberately done, right down to the supporting cast. And if Paul wants to fuck with the viewer's mind in such a fashion, I'll go along happily for the ride. Say Amen. And yes, Francesca I do believe it happens. Love at first sight, I mean. Staring all the while at Ray at his desk; and I *love* the fact that Turnbull notices, because I share with LaT the guilty conviction that in some universes F and T had a "thing" before K showed up.

Now I can often get my head around the idea, as in Sammy's Lunch Break, that they're having hot fuckbunny sex for a couple months before the revelation that it's love occurs. It's almost impossible to convince me that they are *not* sleeping together in EM, or shortly thereafter; but whether they are or not, I don't think F realises how he feels about Ray until SA. Eloise and Davie make F think about love. Look inside himself to find answers for them, reasons for their behaviour; and a sympathy for it that he didn't expect to find; and in the looking, he finds answers for himself. And Davie is quite a bit like F and like Ray - hotheaded, impulsive - a real Mountie move to jump on the car like that - and giving it all for love: it's more than plausible to envision Ray acting that way; and we already *know* F's capable of that, for better or for worse. And then the way the camera follows Ray as he unerringly secures the bad guys during F's soliloquy: it's almost lovingly, lingeringly.

| b) What is the response of the person having the revelation? This is where
| you have to be creative. What gets *done* about the revelation, and why? (5
| points)

I've chosen this episode as the springboard because F gets to realise that he's been in love with Ray all along. And then he gets to recount their time together in his head and say, hell, YEAH, that's why I acted like that. That's why I dragged the poor schmuck on a suicide mission to a pirate ship; that's why I went back inside said ship to almost certain death to find him because life without him was pretty much unthinkable. All that fun stuff. That's why I cut his vacation in Acapulco short; that's *sniff* why I was so manipulative in ALS. So lots of possibilities for soul searching, angst, and stupid sappy happy-filled memories. And from the writer's POV that gives one just HS to get through and I can pretty much justify his behaviour there in two ways: one, to keep Maggie away from Ray - knowing his usual effect on women and attempting to exploit it (yes bad manipulative Mountie oh *well* - this is true love, dammit, and he's going to make damn sure he gets a chance with Ray); and two, to keep Ray off balance - because Ray knows F doesn't usually go for chicks (or guys what*ever*) and I can pretend there are a couple of times in there when he gives F damn quizzical looks. So no - F does nothing about the revelation immediately after SA except hug it to himself. He does nothing until after HS.

| iii) If you think the revelation/epiphany leads to sex shortly after it is
| experienced, please explain why. If you think sex does not ensue in a
| relatively short period after the revelation/explanation, please explain why.
| (5 points)

Vide. Although I can go two ways here too. One is a little far fetched (heh! me??): he does reveal his feelings, they do become lovers, and then Maggie shows up, and reaction sets in for Ray, and he of course is brought to his senses by the events of CotW and the imminent separation.

Two: F does nothing about revealing his feelings until after HS. It's quite possible that they are lovers by the time CotW rolls around - 'You're breathing kind of heavy' - and so recently lovers that K can still be uncertain of his place in F's life/heart'- 'We still partners?' But as many have remarked they are so comfortable together before Vecchio shows - and K follows F without a word to Canada to get Muldoon - that one can argue the confession of love, and the hot monkey sex, ensued shortly after HS.

Three: They become lovers when faced with separation, loss, and loneliness in CotW. BTDT. One can make a case for that ep, too, as LaT has done so eloquently: that they didn't realise they loved each other until CotW. That's the fun of DS s 3/4 - Paul gave us so *much* to play with.
*sigh*
Thanks, LaT. I love essay questions. And thanks, Paul. I love seasons 3/4. Pure *magic.*

Audra, in Ohio / audra@a...
http://aukestrel.com/fanfic1.htm
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

From: Audra  <audra@aukestrel.com>

Date: Mon Dec 13, 1999 10:13pm

Subject: Re: 1Q Exam - Ray

| Like F, whether or not they're already sleeping together, I think K would also hug the revelation to himself if he could (he's the type who'd pop out with it for no apparent reason completely by accident, which actually is how I think he probably does it) - but if he hugs it to himself, it's for a couple of reasons, none of which he necessarily holds concomitantly (that was for you, Madeleine).

Ooh don't take off points for grammar. I actually had three points but forgot the third when I got lost in the second and didn't go back and change the none to 'neither of which he necessarily holds concomitantly.' Although I did change few to couple. Go figure.

Audra

From: Dr. Madeleine M. Gross  <mmgross@gte.net>

Date: Tue Dec 14, 1999 0:03am

Subject: Re: First Quarter Exam (really, really long)

Dear Professor:

I just joined the class (and belated thanks to Admissions for inviting me to enroll). But now, I am already behind on an assignment. So – my husband mixed up my source material -- my Dalmatian set my notes on fire, my Greyhound ran away with my first draft, and neither one of them will talk to me about it. Is any of this working?

All right, no academic panic – maybe partial credit (deductions for incoherence):

I don't see, for either Fraser or Ray, a sudden definite revelation that would be tied to a single canon episode, or a very early decision about any sort of long-term love-with-soulmate-type commitment (in spite of the fun of the fiction presented that way). I tend to think it would take either one some time to process/identify the feeling for himself, even when the first inklings registered (since I don't think that such a relationship would be among the first possibilities that would occur to either one). Given that, one component of my answer is that "mutual" recognition, and any consummation based upon it, does not occur until either during the episode Call of the Wild (close to the end of the case, or more likely just before the "tag") or after the episode. In fact, for Ray, specifically, the episode is the time frame I would identify (as required by the exam!) for the "epiphany." For Fraser, I think the nature of the emotion may have been identified during Say Amen (though I really did not review the tape carefully enough to support this well).

And, before going further ... Hunting Season always poses a problem for me in seeing any primary emotional commitment (to the other) prior to it by either Fraser or Ray …

Prior to the "epiphany" for either were, in my mind, a series of events/interactions that would have given Fraser and/or Ray some of the insight into his own feelings (and sometimes those of the other). For example, in Mountie and Soul, Fraser overtly says "I wish I could do something to make you feel better" – it's not a big thing, but I don't recall a verbal statement of motivation such as that previously in the series. Fraser must have recognized his own desire to help – and Ray would certainly have heard what he said. In addition, in that episode, they were playful together and worked very well together, very much "with" each other.

In Asylum, Fraser really wants to make everything "all right" for "Ray", and knowingly bends the rules for him – and Ray goes to Fraser seemingly not just for his backing as a partner, but for Fraser to "make it all right." He seeks and receives "emotional" assurances that it will be.

Mountie on the Bounty would have shown both the value of the "partnership" to each – and that there were more emotional components to it than would be expected in a working relationship, or even a friendship. Ray would have realized, I think, that he did not usually hit people (friends) over a disagreement about work – although the "trust issue" applied to work, the strength of his response suggested something broader and deeper. That, and his resigned devastation over hitting Fraser after it was done, and his own willingness to get swept up into a new case (not his jurisdiction) – followed by his happiness in Fraser finally "trusting" him (and showing him partnership as he meant it) would have made it clear to Ray that something more complicated was going on. Similarly, Fraser would have realized, either during the events or afterward, that he was devastated by the realization that their partnership might end – and that the snarky, somewhat out-of-control behavior he was showing reflected how desperate he was not to have that happen, and how emotional were his responses to Ray. Fraser would also have realized that Ray mattered enough to him to try to behave in a way that was not his usual, and that, to Fraser, Ray was worth "taking a leap" for. This was a "crisis" episode - if Ray set Fraser a "test" in this episode, they both passed.

In both Easy Money and Odds, Ray showed a willingness to take substantial personal physical risks to rescue Fraser, defying others. These would indicate a commitment beyond that shown to a "partner." Again, Ray would have been able to consider his own actions afterwards; and Fraser would have had a demonstration of the level of Ray's concern for him.

During all of this period there was the potential for each trying to identify "what was going on" (beyond formal partnership and an effective working relationship; and beyond friendship – since they seemed to feel significant affinity from the very beginning, with Fraser showing an openness and a playfulness that was rare for him). I think it likely that Fraser, more inclined to introspection, devoted more thought to the question – but would be less able to identify and work with his own feelings (Gearbox's "emotionally farsighted" is a fine metaphor for this).

Ladies' Man was significant in terms of Fraser's and Ray's duo-ness. Fraser did not know if Ray's suspicion that something might be wrong with Beth's case was correct – but every action of his showed that he did know he was "with Ray", whatever action Ray wanted to take, and no matter what anyone else thought (and wasn't Welsh extraordinary about that, too?) and no matter what they had to do. They were "together" all the time – tracking down information or snarling at Dewey. And Ray trusted Fraser enough to cry in front of him. . .

(Don't suppose there are extra points for a bunch of lead-in before final answer? Oh, negative points…)

I think Fraser may have had his "epiphany" during Say Amen. He frequently appeared very distracted - apparently by speculations about love, willingness to risk one's life for the beloved, understanding/knowing another person, and the ability of love to endure. Others have commented elsewhere that he was looking at Ray when he responded to the question about "love at first sight" - that would be consistent with such musings. (In fact, stretching, even Fraser's report of Dief's approval of Davey and Eloise's "young love" lasting may have shown Fraser's realization about Ray . . .).

I don't think he would have done anything with this insight at this point, except to decide to think about it and what it implied. He would not assume it was possible to do anything with it, except to understand that he loved (and that this time the person did not demonstrate sociopathic behavior). I don't even believe that he would know immediately what he wanted to do about it. He would not assume that Ray felt exactly the same way; nor that anything could follow based on it, except to continue as partners and friends (which he valued greatly). (The almost-certain hesitancy of both Ray and Fraser to discuss their feelings with the other, even when personally sure, is a factor that delays any mutual understanding - some outside event seems to be needed as a trigger.)

Ray's "epiphany" which I would place during Call of the Wild (or between that and Hunting Season, since its effects are shown in CotW) is manifested by his depression when it appeared that Vecchio had come back, and would take away all of the life he had been leading, including Fraser (the "trigger" event); and by his comments and conversations about being "lost," about not being the same self if not with a certain other person. At that point, Ray knew, at least, that he needed and wanted to be with Fraser (and he had loved before; he would know the translation of that) – though he could not tell what Fraser wanted. Meanwhile, Fraser's depth of feeling was shown by how concerned he was about Ray and by ruminations with his father on partnership as analogous to marriage; and by his obvious pleasure that sleepy Ray heard him (as others had not) when he talked about Franklin. (So, if not during Say Amen, Fraser's epiphany was here, as well.)

Once Fraser was finished with the emotional burden of capturing Muldoon and the demands of the case, he would realize what Ray had been saying. Thus, the decision to undertake the adventure. Maxine commented once (elsewhere) that their selection of each other as life partners is shown in canon. I also see the (canon) "going off into the sunset (snow)" as a life "adventure" longer than the quest. Thus, it is possible they discussed their mutual feelings – and realized the sexual component (after all, they had spent a year invading each other's personal space) – prior to embarking. If they covered "devotion," but not "sex," for whatever reason, some other event would be needed (probably not long into the quest, given the proximity and the heightened emotional closeness) to (an easy or a difficult) resolution of that – I can see either. I am more confident that Fraser would "automatically" draw the "if love like this, then sex (if possible)" conclusion than Ray would.

Finally, a short part to the response (!) – once they both realized and agreed that it was love, and that there was a sexual component (thus, the Full Mutual Epiphany), I think sex (though not necessarily every single possible activity) would not be delayed at all – they liked each other, they loved each other, and the courtship had already taken place.

Madeleine

From: Dr. Madeleine M. Gross  <mmgross@gte.net>

Date: Tue Dec 14, 1999 4:06am

Subject: Re: First Quarter Exam -- deductions

From: LaToot  <LaToot@aol.com>

Date: Thu Dec 16, 1999 9:12pm

Subject: 1Q Exam Results

Audra, Erica, Kellie, Madeleine and Meghan all scored full points on the exam and since they all answered twice, they each get two Kodak moments designed to their specifications. Erica's already told me what she wants. No, Madeleine, your own suggestions for where deductions could be taken didn't count; I treated your mistakes as if you'd taken the exam in class. I don't know anyone who writes a grammatically perfect in-class exam.

Crys (the contrarian <bg>) pretty much earned a story. What would you like to read (and bear in mind, it's more likely to get written sooner rather than later if you don't make me do something angsty)?

E-mail me off list with your requirements. Oh, and someone else needs to come up with the Second Quarter question because I want someone to write *me* a Kodak moment.

Prof!LaT