"Lunacy"
By Viridian5
7/16/01

RATING: PG; Dylan/Harper, implied Fraser/Kowalski. If m/m interaction bothers you, pass this story by.
SPOILERS: *snerk* No.
SUMMARY: A mouthy half-wolf tries to buy Dylan a clue.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda belong to Gene Roddenberry’s estate, Majel Roddenberry, and Tribune Entertainment Company. Diefenbaker, Ray, and Fraser, like all things due South, belong to Alliance. None of them are mine at all, and I’m putting them back when I’m done with them, though I can’t promise that they won’t be disturbed in the process.
NOTE: This is not a Things Once Linked story. Instead, it's insanity, ahoy! I have no excuse for this except that Kass said that she wanted it. So this is for Kass.

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"Lunacy"
By Viridian5
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Viridian5: Dief does not get Fraser’s self-denial. Really.
Viridian5: And he likes Ray. So what’s the problem?
Kass: I see Dief’s point.
Kass: Maybe Dief should talk to Dylan.

There was a big dog on Dylan’s bridge. A big fluffy white one. Seriously. And he had no idea how it had gotten there. "Rommie?"

"Yes, Dylan?"

"Is there a dog on my bridge?"

"Actually, genetic scans indicate that its ancestry is half-wolf."

"Oh, well, that makes it so much better. What is it doing here?"

"That might be a question better asked of Rev Bem."

Dylan often enjoyed his AI’s smart-assed tendencies. This was not one of those times. "I mean, how did it arrive onboard?"

"I’m not sure. I don’t like that at all."

"I’m friendly," the dog said, "and housebroken. Ship-broken too."

"I doubt that’s what Dylan is thinking of. Though he probably should."

"You’re a dog," Dylan said. He wanted to draw his gun on it and escort it off the bridge, but even the thought made him feel silly.

"Half-wolf, actually. My name is Diefenbaker. Friends call me ‘Dief.’ I’ll tell you if you reach that point."

"You’re a dog. Talking to me."

The dog made a sound that probably would have been a sigh if it had been human. "Okay, I see that this is going to take a while. Don’t make me kick you in the head, since I have four feet and know how to use ‘em. And could you look at me when I talk to you? I’m a little hard of hearing."

Dylan couldn’t help feeling relief when the door opened and Harper walked in, distracting the talking not-dog, but things only became stranger as Diefenbaker said, "Yeah, this is more like it."

"Dylan, the exotic matter drive’s back online. Hey, where’d you come from?"

Diefenbaker just about knocked Harper down in glee, but Harper simply grinned and roughhoused back. The dog said, "You smell sweet too. Do you have donuts? My other spiky blond has donuts."

Harper playfully ruffled its fur. "Other spiky blond? You just met me, and you already have one on the side?"

It really did sound like Harper had answered the dog. "Harper, is this dog.... Never mind."

"What? Talking? Yeah."

Worse and worse. "How many years have you been doing recreational drugs, Mr. Harper, that this seems normal to you?"

"You’re willing to give a fair chance to any being that crosses our path except talking half-wolves? Bigoted much, Dylan?"

"How do you know it’s a half-- Oh, never mind."

Ignoring Dylan, Diefenbaker said to Harper, "I see I’m not going to get anywhere with him, so I’ll talk with you. Sometimes it’s better to take things to Ray anyway. He has all kinds of sneaky ways around."

"Ray? Is he the other spiky blond? The donut-giver? Sounds like my kind of guy. I could do with a donut."

Diefenbaker’s tail wagged. "Oh, yeah. Hey, Harper, you given any thought to getting a leg up on Dylan?"

Harper laughed. "Ixnay on the mountnay. Okay? Off the bridge."

"Got you."

Incredulous and more than a little afraid, Dylan watched them leave together. The last thing he heard, before the door closed, was Harper asking, "Want some coffee?"

**********************THE END***********************